It goes something like this:

“Sit down, relax and squeeze the two cans in front of you”

The cans are wired to a funky gizmo where a needle gauges one’s activity on a meter based on their responses to questions asked.

“Tell us about a pleasant memory you’ve had.”

“Give us another pleasant memory.”

"Explain."

“Tell us another pleasant memory that made you happy.”

"Explain."

“Tell us something that made you sad.”

“Explain.”

“Give us another memory that made you sad.”

“Explain”

The examination goes on and on and on and on until finally, “Okay. Your needle is floating”. Yay! That’s a good thing when on the path to going clear.

Disguised as a healing procedure, this probing is an ongoing process used in the Church of Scientology to basically infiltrate one’s state of mind and, well, obtain secrets.

In Cathy Schenkelberg’s one-woman show “Squeeze My Cans”, we get an inside look at one of the most bizarre religions that is not only shocking, it is down-right hilarious at times. Providing real life memories of her years in Scientology, Schenkelberg reveals a world that is almost hard to believe, truly defining the phrase “truth is stranger than fiction”. This autobiographical solo-play, written and performed by Schenkelberg, is beautifully pieced together and recounts her story from the time she was recruited into Scientology through her departure from the organization many years later.

Animated and heartfelt, the long-time voice over actress shares intimate stories during her search for spiritual freedom (a goal that of course is never attained unless money is paid to proceed to the next level). Her stories include holding auditions to be Tom Cruise’s girlfriend, blindly sending her daughter off with strangers in a van, alien spirits that dwell in volcanoes, a bizarre encounter with J.T. (that’s John Travolta) and plenty others that one would be hard-pressed to believe. Presented as a tale of warning, Schenkelberg flawlessly delivers her message while not allowing for a single dull moment. 

In “Squeeze My Cans”, we are keenly presented with the sad tale of someone who was susceptible while searching for a higher purpose who, rather than finding fulfillment, was taken for the ride of a lifetime. Though one comical story is told after another and laughs are recurrently heard, we certainly feel for its author and the plethora of others who have been taken advantage of by what is exposed in this play as nothing more than a giant hoax. Based on L. Ron Hubbard’s book Dianetics, we get an unbelievable sneak peek at this nonsensical religion, its manipulating prowess and its nearly unbreakable hold on its loyal subjects – emotionally and financially. Schenkelberg’s message is simple – stay away!  

But Schenkelberg is a survivor and we can’t help but feel elation at the fact that she was ultimately able to find it within herself to break away. This implausible journey is very well-written and superbly performed with brilliantly executed back and forth dialogue as Schenkelberg interacts with the many characters involved. Plenty of touching moments are mixed in with the show’s humor, making this a nicely balanced production that is as engrossing as it is informative.  

Directed wonderfully by Shirley Anderson, “Squeeze My Cans” is an amazing show with firsthand accounts of the peculiar that you really need to hear to believe. If you missed this this uniquely written and performed show last July, now is your chance to catch it this time around. "Squeeze My Cans" is being performed once again at Greenhouse Theater Center, this time through March 19th. For tickets and/or more show information visit www.greenhousetheater.org.