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You know what they say: The only cure for homosexuality is to issue him a Screen Actor’s Guild card.

Tommy on Top takes this old saw a step further: Tommy Miller (Ryan Cason), closeted Hollywood hunk, has been nominated for an Oscar. Super-swish boyfriend George (Patrick Gosney) and vodka-swigging sister Molly (Theresa Liebhart) join Tommy to discuss the eternal question – in or out? – with an Academy Award and a career hanging in the balance. Gay Trump-loving [huh?] agent Eddie (Chris Sylvie) is adamantly in favor of the closet – a good thing, as he spends a great deal of the show stuffed into one. Why? Well, it seems evil columnist Kiki (Blythe Inanna) wants to out Tommy with some compromising photos, and celebrity talent manager Judy Jensen (Beth Johnson) wants to be Tommy’s new agent … over Eddie’s dead body! Almost.

That’s pretty much the story in a nutshell (which is arguably where it belongs).

Written by British playwright Chris Woodley, Tommy on Top was a hit in London, and is now premiering in the US at the PrideArts Center Theatre.  The British provenance is very apparent and, unfortunately, a problem with the production.

I’ve never been a fan of British humor: it simply makes too much of too little. A quip that originally is droll (e.,g. ‘every sperm is sacred’) is belabored until it’s just boring. The humor in Tommy is simply not funny. I do not find any humor in drunkenness, a theme that repeats throughout the show. I’m not amused by violence, and the gunplay is completely tasteless (though the juxtaposition with the Highland Park massacre could not have been predicted). I don’t laugh at defenestration (isn’t that a great word?!), and the anti-Irish theme may be funny across the Pond, but in Chicago it’s baffling. And a Trump-loving gay Hollywood agent? Maybe in London, not so much here.

The cast do an extraordinary job. Patrick Gosney sparkles as George; and Ryan Cason is as adorably hunky as a Hollywood leading man should be. Director Jay Espano does a great job knitting all the actors’ excellent work together, and kudos to Garrett McCann and Jack McElroy for intimacy and fight choreography. A special shoutout to Chris Sylvie, who stepped in at the last minute as Eddie. And Tommy’s final monologue is lovely, revealing the show’s heart at last. Too bad we had to sit through 90 minutes to get to it. Comedy is a fine instrument for social commentary. The problem is that this script isn’t very funny.

BUT WAIT: as I said, I’m not a fan of British humor, and farce is not my favorite genre. If, however, you happen to like preposterous premises, cumbersome one-liners, outrageous over-acting and senseless physical brawling, Tommy on Top is for you. If you still giggle at the 3 Stooges, this show will make you LOL.

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